Logan awoke, finding himself in a very familiar place. He looked around instantly frightened of his surroundings. He was in a glass tube, in a lab, hooked up to hundred of wires, IVs, and machines, all dealing out pain. How did I get here! He had to get out, he had to escape. He screamed and banged his hands against the glass trying to break through. He noticed the scientist, all ignoring him, or laughing at his pain. He couldn't take it. The pain was unbearable and there was no escape.
Suddenly he felt warmth. Something pulling him away from the pain. The scientist and machines slowly faded out as the warmth surrounded him. He didn't fight, this is what he wanted. A warmth to remove him from the pain that seemed a constant in his life. He finally reached a point of half awake that told him it was all just a nightmare and it was over. He didn't want to wake up, afraid that the warmth would leave as soon as he opened his eyes. He pulled in as much of the feeling as he could, as if storing it away for later, then opened his eyes slowly.
The first thing he noticed was that the warmth was still there, all around him. He realized it was someone holding him, their arms wrapped around his shoulders and neck. He was softly being rocked while his head was on their chest. Then he heard the voice, like an angel amidst the hell that was his life. The voice purred and cooed, coaxing him to relax. He slowly lifted his head, for a moment believing it would be an angel. His eyes met demon eyes, not what he expected, but beautiful all the same. "Remy?"
"Are y' alright? It was a nightmare." Remy continued to hold Logan, but loosened his grip so Logan could pull away if he liked. He loved holding Logan this way, but he wasn't sure the Canadian would appreciate it. To his surprise Logan rested his head back down on his chest. Remy tightened his hold again and rubbed Logan's back like he had for him before. "It's alright, it's over, your safe. No one will hurt y'. Not while I'm around."
Logan closed his eyes and took in the sensations, the warmth, the comfort, the love....love. Logan raised his head again to stare into those red orbs and something clicked.
They held the stare for a long moment, a moment that seemed to stretch for eternity. It was if they had both entranced the other and could not break free. Remy took the chance, one he knew could make or break the relationship he had managed to make with the feral man in front of him. He leaned down and touched his lips to Logan's softly, testing the boundaries. He was rewarded with Logan's kiss in return, full of love and passion. Remy pulled himself even closer to Logan, nearly sitting in the older man's lap, deepening the kiss all the while.
Logan was losing himself quickly, the kiss was so perfect. He decided this is why woman read those romance novels, this is how they must describe the kisses. He could feel the passion and love from the kiss, and he could feel himself returning it. Christ, he wanted this, this love, this warmth, he wanted it all. All of Remy. He could feel his mind melting, being taken by the heat. Wanting more and more of the young man on top of him now. He had to stop before this went to far. He kept telling himself the kid was confused, there is no way he is doing this because he wants to. Before he knew it, he reacted, pushing Remy off of him, harder then he wanted to. He regretted it the second he did it. He could swear he felt Remy's heart break.
Remy whimpered when he was pushed away, ending up on the other end of the bed. What did I do? Mon Dieu, he hates me now. He felt the tears in his eyes. They began to fall before he could stop them. He had to get out. He ruined it, he always did. Stupid! You idiot! You knew he wouldn't want you! And you go and ruin the little you had, like you always do!
He jumped out of the bed and collected the pile of his clothing and blankets, not even aware of his nakedness. He reached over to the nightstand to grab his pills, making sure there was nothing left behind to collect later. His arm was grabbed by Logan. He just stared at the pills, not wanting to look at the man in the eye. He didn't want excuses, none of the typical 'I just want to be friends' or 'I don't love you like that.', he just wanted to leave. "Logan, please let me go."
"Kid, I'm sorry, I didn't...." Logan's hand was roughly shrugged off. He watched Remy rush out of the room, never turning to look at him before he walked out, slamming the door behind him. "I love ya." Logan whispered to the empty room.
Remy slammed his bedroom door behind him. He dropped the pile of clothes on the floor next to him as he slid down the closed door. He sat there listening to the room. Nothing, completely empty, totally quiet, alone. Face it, y' are always going to be alone. Who could love y'? The only thing people want from y' is your body. He began to sob at the thought. Never in his life had he known true love. Every time he thought he had it, the person would abandon him or reject him, leaving him alone again, a little less whole. He slowly pulled himself up from the door and stumbled to the cold bed. He sat on the edge and stared at the pills in his hand. Sleep, that is all he wanted to do right now. He wrenched open the bottle and shook out the pills. Almost a dozen pills spilled out into his hand, more then he had planned. He started to make the motion to pour the excess pills back into the bottle, but stopped. He stared at the pills in his hand. He had never thought of committing suicide. Even after been dropped in Antarctica he fought to live. But the thought came to him. What's the point of living if y' going to be alone? Before he put anymore thought into it he threw the pills into his mouth and swallowed. As if they burned him, he dropped the bottle on the floor, pills spilling in every direction. Mon Dieu, what did I do?
Logan sat on the edge of the bed running what just happened over and over in his head. Angry with himself for not stopping Remy. "Shit! Why do I have to be such a God damn idiot!" He could admit it now, he loved the kid. Looking back he has felt this way for awhile, just could not sit down and say it. He was just so afraid Remy would reject him. He's the one that made a move on you, he obviously won't reject you. So what's your God damn problem. Ya fucked up and broke the kid's heart, hasn't he had that done enough? Get up and tell him the truth. You want him, you need him, you love him. Logan growled at his inner voice. He knew what he needed to do, he just couldn't make himself do it. He flopped backwards onto the bed. He rolled his head onto the pillow next to him. He could smell Remy's scent, how he loved that scent. He snarled and threw the pillow across the room and jumped up. He was going to go across the hall and apologize, he was going to do it now. He had denied himself love for too long, he wasn't doing it again.
He stomped out into the hall with new found courage and knocked before he had the chance to talk himself out of it. "Remy?" He heard a strange sound, he cocked his head to try and identify it. It sounded like small pebbles being thrown across a wood floor. Or pills...Shit! Logan opened the door only to find it blocked. "Damn it Remy, open the door." He put more force against the door when he didn't get an answer, pushing the pile of clothes out of the way. He rushed over to Remy who was sitting wide eyed on the edge of the bed, his hand over his mouth. "Remy?" Logan looked around him and saw the pills all over the floor. "Remy, why did ya throw the pills on the floor?" Logan looked back up at Remy and noticed his eyes were heavily glazed. "Oh shit, kid. What did ya do?"
"I...didn't....mean...to.." Remy mumbled through his hand. His whole body felt heavy. The room was spinning, and for some reason he couldn't think straight.
"Fuck Remy!" Logan grabbed Remy around the waist and dragged him to the bathroom. He pulled the young man down onto the floor in front of the toilet. "I'm sorry Remy, but I have to do this." He positioned Remy's head over the toilet and forced his finger into Remy's mouth and down his throat until Remy gagged. He held Remy's head and rubbed his back until he was done spilling everything in his stomach. "Ya done now?" Remy nodded slightly against his hand. "Alright, look at me." He pulled Remy's face up by his chin and wiped off his mouth with a wet towel. He fetched the blanket that was thrown on the floor and wrapped it around Remy's naked body. "Now, why would ya do something so fucking stupid?"
Remy pushed Logan away, his head was hazy, but his anger was still there. "How could I do something so stupid? Y' should fucking know! Leave me alone, go away." Remy pushed himself up and almost came tumbling down until he was caught by Logan's arms. Remy fought the embrace and managed to get away from Logan and catch the door frame. "Get away from me, haven't y' done enough? I know y' don't give a damn what happens to me, so just leave."
Logan had enough. He grabbed Remy by the arm and spun him around. He caught the Cajun again when the movement almost did him in. "Listen here brat! I'm not 'Ro, ya can't just yell at me and get me to leave. You just swallowed a hand full of pills and I want to know why!"
Remy's knees buckled and Logan let him go down, sliding down with him. He felt Logan pull him closer and he didn't fight it. Even if it was only pity the man felt for him, it was better then nothing. "I didn't mean to Logan, it just happened so fast. I just wish...."
Logan rubbed Remy's back in small circles when he began sobbing uncontrolably. "What do ya wish?"
"I wish someone would love me for once. Everyone I love never wants me. Why is it when I want someone they reject me, but if I don't want them they take it from me anyway? What's so wrong with me, why can't I have what I want?"
Logan's heart broke. The one thing Remy wanted and he had it to give. And what did he do? He shoved him away. Here he was worried about the boy rejecting him, he had nothing to worry about this whole time. Now he knew, and now he wasn't going to let him go. He was more then happy to give Remy what he needed. "Darlin', I didn't mean to do what I did back there. I wasn't rejecting ya, I just panicked. I couldn't imagine a young beautiful angel like ya would want a old ugly man like me. I just couldn't make myself comfortable with the idea of loving someone again, I was scared."
Remy eyes widened at Logan's confession. He didn't know what shocked him the most. Logan saying he loved him, or being scared. Remy leaned back to look in Logan's eyes. "Y' love me?"
"Yea kid, I have been fighting it for a while now. I only realized how much the last few days. Hell, I have been fighting with 'Ro to keep ya here, she thinks I'm hiding ya from her." He smiled when Remy tried to hid his giggling. "Remy, I don't want ya to think I was rejecting ya back there. I just wanted to take it slow, make sure this is what ya wanted. Ya have been through a lot lately. The way that kissing was going I wasn't going to be able to stop, and I didn't want to hurt ya."
Remy's eyes began tearing again, and he let them go. They were happy tears, ecstatic tears. He was overjoyed that someone could not only admit that they loved him in return, but that they didn't want to hurt him either. He wrapped his arms around Logan and rested his head on his big chest. "Y' are what I want. I'm sure. Je t'aime."
Logan kissed Remy on top of the head. "Come on, lets get ya to bed. Ya think it is safe for ya to sleep?"
"I think so, as long as y' are there."
Logan helped Remy up and started walking him to the door. "I'm not going anywhere, ya are stuck with me now." He reached over and took Remy's chin in his hand and kissed him. He broke away before it got too deep, still wanting to take it slow. He knew Remy wasn't ready to go too far. "My bed or yours?"
"Yours is fine." Remy blushed. Even though he had been sleeping in the bed with Logan for the past couple nights, it seems different now. Different in a good way though.
They walked slowly across the hall, Logan holding Remy close all the way. Both cherishing the moment. When they reached the bed Logan laid Remy down and climbed in on the other side. Remy instantly closed the gap and cuddled up next to Logan. "It's going to be hard to explain all this to Hank, he's not going to be happy about giving ya more pills."
Remy yawned and snuggled closer, resting his head on Logan's strong shoulder. "Its alright, I have y'. I don't need them anymore, as long as y' are close."
Logan laid a small kiss on Remy's head. He could feel the even breathing of the young man in his arms. "I'll be right here, darlin'. Forever and always." He kissed Remy once more and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He fell into blissfull sleep imagining what their new future, together, would hold.