Logan jerked awake, sitting up instantly. His breath caught as he remembered his dream and it slowly sank into his mind, forming a complete memory. "Oh Shit!" What was he going to do now? How was he going to face Remy? How was he going to tell Jean? It was the same Remy right? He started to weigh the evidence in his head. "Same eyes, age is about right, city is the same, Cajun always said he was adopted so that pans out. Shit, it was him, had to be!" Logan's head was swimming, he didn't know what to do. Suddenly a knock woke him from thought.
"Logan?" The soft voice came from the hall.
"Yea, Jeannie. It's open." Logan scowled. He didn't need this now, he wanted to be alone, he needed to think.
Jean opened the door and walked in, closing if softly behind her leaning against it.
"What do ya want, Red?"
"I take it you remembered a lot last night." Jean pointed to the clock "Thought you might want to talk about it."
Logan glanced at the clock "Shit! I slept for 14 hours!"
"I noticed you weren't at breakfast or lunch. When you didn't show for dinner I became worried. I came up to check on you." She slowly made her way to the corner of the bed and sat down. "Would you like to talk about it? It is between me and you, I promise."
"Yea...No...I don't know, Jean, I'm just so damn confused right now." The last murmured from his head in his hands. He truly did not know what to do.
"Tell me Logan, I won't judge you." Jean pulled his hands down from his face and caught his eyes. "Whatever you did, we will deal with it."
That comment caught him. "What did I do?" Logan accidentally said his thoughts aloud.
"Logan?" Jean was beginning to worry. "Please, Logan, tell me what is going on. What did you do?"
"That's the problem Jeannie, I don't know what I did!" Logan looked up at her with pleading eyes as if she held all the answers. "I remembered a trip to New Orleans. I met up with a scared street kid, he was..." The words stuttered from his mouth, he didn't want to say it. "hurt, the kid was hurt. I took him to my hotel, got him some food and got him cleaned up. I remember saying to myself that I was gonna call my contacts and see about keeping the kid with me. I obviously didn't, he ended up back on the streets, he couldn't have been more then seven." His mind was going a mile a minute, and it was all hitting him at once. "What if I hurt him? Did I dump him back on the streets? Could I have been that cruel?" Logan suddenly came down from his panic filled ranting and looked at a worried Jean straight in the eyes and asked. "Why didn't he tell me?"
Jean was instantly saddened by the look in Logan's eyes, she had never seen him like this before. It was as if someone had ripped out his heart. She wanted badly to answer him, but his ranting did nothing but confuse her. "Logan I don't understand, who didn't tell you what?"
"Remy. Jean, the street kid was Remy." Logan dropped his head back into his hands not knowing what else to say.
"Oh!" It's all Jean could think to say for several minutes. "Remy never said anything about knowing you?"
A mumbled "No" is all she got from Logan.
"You should talk to Remy, maybe he can tell you what happened. Maybe there is something..." Jean stopped when Logan began to snarl.
"No! There has to be a reason he never said anything. What if I hurt him, Jean? What if I did just throw him back on the streets to starve or be raped by some other sadistic bastard!" Logan stopped realizing what he had just said. Seeing the look on her face he knew she heard it. He leaned his head back against the bed and waited for her to question him, he knew it was coming.
"Raped? Remy was raped? By who? Please Logan tell me you didn't." Jean shook her head in disbelief.
"No! I didn't do it damn it! I found him after it happened!" He was almost offended by her accusation, but hell, what did he know, he could have. He had no clue what he did after that night, and was afraid to find out. "Jeannie, I want ya to stop this. Stop what ever ya did. I don't want to remember anymore. If I did something to the kid, I don't want to know. Fix it now!"
"Logan, please, talk to Remy first, this may be a big misunderstanding, maybe nothing happened. If you did do something to Remy, do you really think he would like you as much as he does? He is always at your side, you go drinking together, he always has your back in battle. Logan he is the only one in the mansion that has never feared you. If you had hurt him when he was a child do you think he would act this way towards you now? Please talk to him, maybe he himself doesn't remember, you said he was young. Just talk to him Logan."
She had a point and Logan knew it. "Ok Jeannie, I'll talk to him."
"Good, if you still want the memories to stop after that, I will stop them. But give it a chance." Feeling her mission was accomplished Jean rose to leave. "If you need to talk I will be here Logan, you know that."
"Yea I know, thanks Jeannie"
"Night, Logan" Jean closed the door behind her, leaving Logan to his thoughts.
He really had no idea why this scared him so much. His stomach was turning double time and his head spun. Why was he so afraid to talk to the kid. "The worse the Cajun could do is never talk to me again." With that thought his stomach knotted. The thought of Remy never talking to him almost physically hurt him. "What if I lose him?" He shook his head, what was he thinking, he never had him. Sure he liked Remy's company, they had a lot in common. Lately they had been almost inseparable. He had to admit to himself, the boy was something to look at, but nothing he ever pursued. Logan jumped out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. "I'm losing my damn mind!" He made a plan in his mind. I'm gonna take a shower, get some food, drink a beer...or a case, and talk to the Cajun. The plan was set, he just had to make himself follow it.
Jean slowly walked down the corridor to the den. So lost in the thoughts of what Logan told her she ran right into the side table and stumbled.
"Whoa, Jeannie, better watch where y' going!" Remy caught Jean by the shoulders and steadied her. "If ya wanted to get close to me you just had to ask."
"Remy!" Jean squeaked and jerked away from his hands. "I'm sorry, must have been lost in thought. I didn't mean to fall on you like that, are you alright?" She asked like she had actually hurt him.
"Jeannie I'm ok, y' ain't dat heavy." Remy laughed. "Are y' ok?" He noticed she was still blankly staring at him.
"I'm sorry." Jean grabbed him in a motherly bear hug. She looked up into his eyes and could see the confusion.
"Y' sure y' ok?" Remy was too baffled to come up with a quick one-liner.
"Yes, Remy, I am fine." Jean reassured him as she gave him a sad look, and walked down towards the den. She knew she shouldn't have done that, but she couldn't help it. Knowing now just a little of the hell Remy went through as a child she could not help but try to comfort him, even if he didn't know why.
Remy just wrote it off as "that time of month" and went on down the hall towards the Danger Room, not giving it a second thought.
Logan had taken his shower, finished off the leftovers of dinner, and drank every beer he could find in the house. He still couldn't make himself budge from his chair in the kitchen. He knew the last part of his plan, but he just couldn't make himself do it. The thought of just calling off the whole plan and going back to bed had crossed his mind, but he was just as afraid to do that as he was to find Remy. What if the dream started where it left off? Then he would not only know he hurt Remy, he would have to see it, and remember it, too! "Get up out of the chair and go find the kid!" Logan rose out of his chair determined. "Lets get this over with!" He swigged the last drink of his beer and threw it in the recycling bin.
After leaving the kitchen it didn't take him long to find Remy, his scent lead Logan to the den. Logan stood in the doorway. He knew that the kid was in the room but didn't see him. He walked in and noticed that the TV was on. The station had gone off air and the national anthem played softly. As he stepped closer to the back of the couch he noticed the lanky figure curled up on one side, total oblivious to the static that began playing on the screen.
"Kid must have fallen asleep." Logan whispered to himself and smiled.
Logan stepped around the couch and knelt down. He looked at the young man in front of him. He still looks so young when he's sleeps. Before he could catch himself, he brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen in front of Remy's face.
Remy twitched and his eyes fluttered open. Seeing a person that close to him startled him. He jumped up and across the couch.
"It's ok, kid, it's just me." Logan said in a calming voice.
Remy let out a sigh. "What are y' doing, homme? Trying to scare me to death?" Remy relaxed into the corner of the couch as Logan silently took the other corner looking away from him. "So, what were y' doing anyway?" Curious to know why he found Logan less then a foot away from his face, playing with his hair, in his sleep. Normally, he would dream of waking up with Logan like that, but not in the den.
"Just watching ya sleep." Logan honestly answered.
Logan was acting odd and Remy knew it. He didn't know what to do, he was afraid to ask why he was here, or what he wanted, or why he was watching him sleep of all things. Mon Dieu! What if he remembered! What if he is here to tell me how much I disgust him, to never talk to him again, to leave? Remy's thoughts where causing him to panic. He had to leave before Logan could destroy the little hope he had.
"Well, I think I'm going to go to bed. Night, Logan." Remy quickly rose to his feet. As he turned to leave he was stopped by Logan's hand on his arm.
"I remembered something last night."
They stood there for several long minutes. Remy frozen in place with his back to Logan. The Canadian's hand was still on his arm, and he was staring at Remy's back. Finally Logan broke the silence with what seemed like a simple question.
Remy turned around to face Logan but kept his eyes to the floor. "Why what?"
"Why didn't ya say anything? Why didn't ya tell me that I met ya before? Why didn't ya tell me about that night in New Orleans? I don't understand Remy, did I hurt ya somehow? Is that why?" Logan begged Remy. Just minutes ago he didn't know how he was gonna ask these questions, and now they all poured out at once. He needed answers. He had to know if he hurt the kid, now the young man, in front of him. If he did, he would do anything to make it up to him. Anything to erase the hurt in those eyes. Anything to make the kid stay and never leave. He never realized how much he cared for the kid until now. Now that he was about to lose it all.
After several minutes of nothing but silence, Logan pleaded with Remy for an answer. "Remy? Please answer me, tell me why?" He reached up and took Remy by the chin and met him eye to eye.
Remy's eyes were swimming. He jerked away from Logan's hand. As he ran from the room all he said was. "I can't."